It seems like the more relationships I go through, the less I understand them. It's amazing that we put ourselves into turmoil and the depths of depravity just to feel the thrill of being wanted. Or maybe it's the fear of being alone that drives us? I used to try and make relationships work for as long as possible not because I wanted to try and date a particular person anymore, but because I didn't want to hurt them. Now I try not to get involved in the first place because I don't want to get hurt and because I want to cause as little hurt to others as possible.
I know it's a bad way to look at something as powerful and potentially positive as love. I just can't change it. I used to always want to be with her. To hold her hand all day and just stare into her eyes. I used to consider myself a hopeless romantic but when she left she took the romantic part with her and left me with the hopeless.
I think it has effected my ability to connect with someone. I want to fix it, to throw caution to the wind, but perhaps that isn't the best way. Because more than just young love, I want something real and concrete. Who doesn't want to be the 70 year-old couple that walks down the street holding hands?
I guess I'll wait... hopefully not too long though.
ps- I keep listening to this song.
It's my FAVORITE Beach Boys song. Hands down.
ReplyDeleteNote to self: buy more teal and white vertical-striped shirts...very flattering.
Yeah yeah, I stalked. You posted it on fb, I had to. :) Don't give up. Just don't try too hard. The best thing I ever did was take time to myself and really figure out who I was and then I let some decent people pass me up so I could be available when the best one came instead of just decent.
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